"Just think tho - I'm gonna be ... famous."  This is a quote from a suicide note from a gunmen from the Omaha mall shootings.

This time it's 7 dead from a campus shooting at Northern Illinois. Because one guy wasn't happy with his life anymore, and he couldn't just commit suicide, he had to take a few people out with him.

And soon the gunmen's name will be released, and maybe there's a suicide note they found, and the family is interviewed, and the family apologizes deeply, and everyone discusses gun laws and security at schools, and meanwhile his face and name are all over the news on every channel and website.

Just like Columbine, just like Virigina Tech, just like Omaha...

I don't know who this gunmen is right now, but soon I'm going to find out. Soon his name and face will be everywhere. Everyone knows who all the shooters are from all the past shootings. Especially Virginia Tech. This one even took pictures of himself posing with the guns and sent it to NBC. But did the media give this guy any attention? You betcha! They showed picture after picture, and it looked so glorified it could have been a Tarantino movie poster. Why'd they put it on the news? Because someone at the station thought it was necessary. (Think of the ratings!) But I didn't gain anything from it, the families of the victims sure weren't happy about it. But luckily some other unhappy suicidal student took note and thought  "well everyone knows who he is now, I want everyone to know who I am too."

"Just think tho - I'm gonna be ... famous."

It's not just arabs who are "terrorists." They are Americans and they are worse than suicide bombers because they aren't even fighting for anything. There's no greater cause for which the... [Read More]

 I really wish NBC hadn't aired those videos and picutres of Cho. They shouldn't have done that. He basically looks like an action hero. It glorifies him and I think gives incentive to copycat criminals. Even Cho referred back to "the martyrs of Columbine." Stop giving him press, especially when the press is pictures of him in movie like poses with weapons. 

Oh by the way, 170 people died in Iraq on the same day. But there are no profiles of the victims. No interviews with the families. People aren't changing their default Myspace pictures to peace symbols. No Iraqis are being flow in to go on Oprah to talk about their friend who died in the explosion. Just another number. Most days it's around 7-20, this time it was around 170. That's a lot of people people. 

It seems that people don't have any empathy until they see something of the victims in themselves. Wow she was a student, I too was a student. I too am Lebanese, I too liked horses. I too grew up in Virigina, I too love French, I too live in America. Could that have been me?

Nobody sees anything of themselves in victims of a war torn Arab country. Which isn't entirely all our fault, we see numbers on the news and forget about it faster than a stock ticker. If the media wants to do any good, focus on the people of Iraq, show their daily lives, not just the war.  Profile the victims the way they did with the victims at Virginia Tech. Even if it takes pages and pages, ESPECIALLY if it takes pages and pages. It would serve as a much needed reality check.

A 15 year old girl in Shubra was just treated for avian flu. Shubra is a district in Cairo where some of my relatives live. I am going to visit them in May so remind me not to handle any domestic fowl while I'm there. Which is too bad, I was really looking forward to some chicken chasing.

 I love the file photo they have for the article. A girl gets birdflu in Cairo, and they show an image of some children playing in front of a beat up shack off Austrailia's east coast.

Yeah, I see the correlation. Were the people in charge of article photos trying to leave for the day?

"These people are brown and look like they play with chickens. Just post it and lets go, it's 20 cent wings tonight."

Cairo looks nothing like that!

They couldn't find a picture of the city, or a chicken or a pyramid or something? They just found a picture of poverty and went with it.

Comedy Central just released my clip which is part of a groundbreaking new show called The Watch List. The show is made up entirely of Middle Eastern stand up and sketch comedy. It's been getting a lot of media attention and if you'd like to see more from us please download the clips, and pass them along to your friends! Thanks!

Maria

You can view my clip, and all the others http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/?ml_video=82321

I'm not a dieter. I just can't do it. I think it's because my parents had a very "You will eat as I say!" philosophy. 

You didn't really have an option when growing up with Egyptians. I remember vividly the looks on my aunts faces when I said I wasn't hungry. It was a mix of surprise and insult, like I had I just told them to go someplace fiery.

"No thanks tunt, I'm not hungry (looking up to see her face)....oh wow...or I guess I could have a piece of kofta, why not...or 5 pieces is fine, 6 is plenty--ok 10, 10 is great, thank you, no this is enough, shokran."

So now, if I tell myself I'm going to eat something, I end up doing the opposite times 10. I don't know why I do this, but it may be my own weird way of rebelling for always having to eat the way others told me.

Like I've had eggs in one form or another every day for the past two weeks. This morning I thought, "ok, you gotta stop eating so many eggs. This is just not good for you. You need something to offset it, like oatmeal. Order oatmeal made with skim milk."

Deli Lady: Good morning, Eat and Drink Cafe

Me: Hi good morning I'd like to place a delivery order.

Deli Lady: Go ahead with your order

Me: I would like...

My Brain: Oatmeal, with skim milk, slivered almonds and honey

Me: A two-egg omelet on a roll

Brain: What?

Deli Lady: Would you like cheese on that?

Brain: No you don't need cheese.

Me: Yes absolutely.

De... [Read More]

I just got off the phone with my father. He calls me every evening at 7:30pm sharp. He's very reliable like that. Every evening, as soon as Everybody Loves Raymond ends, my phone rings.

 My friends think it's weird.

"Your dad calls you EVERY DAY?"

Yes.

And a once a day phone call can get pretty redundant.

I just don't have that kind of news to report. Often times nothing extraordinary happens to me, so is it necessary to have a daily phone call? We have the exact same conversation every time, and not only that, he has this way of asking a million of the same questions...RIGHT before I'm about to hang up.

 "Be safe. The name of the game is to be safe. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yes I know what you mean, I will."

"Don't walk alone, don't take the subway at night."

"I know dad." "I only have one of you."

 "I know dad."

"Ok Maria"

"Ok dad, I'll talk to you later. I love you."

 "I love you too."

"By-" "Hey, how's your money situation?"

 "What? It's fine dad."

"Are you sure? Did you pay off your credit card in time?"

"Yes dad."

"Ok I'm just making sure, it's very important to pay them off on time."

"I know dad." "Ok Maria, bye bye."

"Bye love y-."

 "How's your job? Are you still looking for a new one? You can't be a receptionist forever."

 <... [Read More]

Hi everyone, I'm Maria! I'm an Egyptian-American stand-up comedian from Columbus, Ohio. 

I am currently living in New York City, and am on stage doing stand-up almost every night of the week.

I have a weekly radio show called The Shehata Show on Mango Radio where three NYC comedians all of different backgrounds (Egyptian, Brazilian, and Jewish) talk about anything that comes out of our mouths. 

I am generally not too political, but I experience being an Arab-American every day, and I am very excited to be a part of Arabisto.com!